Wednesday, August 12, 2015

I was a Mom, once.

Almost since the day I met Shaun, I knew he wanted to have kids. I've teased him relentlessly about being more baby hungry than most women I know and him wishing I was wearing a maternity wedding dress on our wedding day. I was a little more conservative. I told him I wanted to wait until we had been married at least a year and lived in our own place. Once both of those stipulations were met, it was time to start "trying".

Things didn't seem to be progressing as fast as I was hoping. I had been off birth control for over a year and still nothing. For some reason I kind of thought I would be that girl that had no problem getting pregnant. Thinking there might be something wrong with me, I went to an OB and he prescribed a few months worth of Clomid. Oh, Clomid. That stuff is the devil! I'll have to write another post about my Clomid experience (there was actually one pretty funny story about it) but not today. I only made it on that stuff 2 months before I threw in towel. I changed OB's and it was the best decision! My new doctor started with some testing for me and Shaun, and everything was in the clear. We started remodeling a new house and decided to hold off on the baby thing. More and more it seemed like I just wasn't destined to be pregnant and we started looking into adoption.

July 7, 2015

At this point, still no baby and I was just about to start a new job after 3 months of unemployment. I had been feeling different for a couple of weeks and I was about 5 days late. I had even starting looking on Pinterest for cute ways to announce a pregnancy on the off chance I was. Part of me screamed I was pregnant, and the other part wanted nothing to do with that side of my brain. I had no clue if I was excited or utterly terrified at the thought of really being pregnant. After a friend's little boy asked me where my baby was, I figured it was time to take a test.

Oh. My. God. 
I almost had a panic attack when I saw this. I really didn't think I could or ever would be pregnant. I started shaking and just kept staring at that word.
 I knew I wanted to surprise Shaun somehow, so I ran to the store (still visibly shaking) and got a card and some baby bibs that said "Daddy Is My Hero. The card said "Congratulations" on the outside and inside I taped the test and wrote "Holy. Shit" next to it. When he came home I told him I got him something for being so great while I've been unemployed. His reaction was priceless! He looked at the card, looked at me, and said "Are you effing serious?! No way!" Of course, there was more colorful language used, but it was amazing to share the news with him. I loved being able to give him something he's wanted his whole life.

We wanted (and really tried) to wait to tell people, but we only lasted 2 days before Shaun wanted to tell his Mom. We took one more test to make sure it stuck and I made a cute picture to send her with Shaun's uniform and a test. We used that picture to tell most of our close friends and a few family members, and they were all just as excited for us as we were.
We told my mom and dad with books called How To Babysit A Grandma/Grandpa. I told them it was from the dogs as a thank you present for watching them that weekend, but inside it said "Please read to me when I make my big debut in March 2016". My mom's reaction was hilarious. She read the note and got this confused look on her face. She started counting and said, "But that's 8 months away?" Shaun and I just smiled and started laughing, then I showed her a picture of the pregnancy test and she finally got it. She had been asking for a human grandchild for years and it was almost as fun telling her as it was to tell Shaun.

I started work and, let me tell you, working at a mine when you're pregnant is NOT fun! Even though I spent the majority of my day in my office, the smells alone almost killed me. Also riding around for a few hours on bumpy dirt roads didn't help matters much, but I just kept some peppermints on hand. I told my manager my first day so I could start making appointments and getting things in order. After a week of freaking out about what she would say, it was such a relief to know I had the support of my new company. Finally I felt like I could relax and enjoy this.

July 29, 2015

First appointment day!!!!! According to my calculations, I was 8 weeks pregnant. I had spent the night before looking up ultrasounds and listening to heartbeats and just getting excited about the appointment. I remember telling Shaun on the drive over I didn't know what I was more scared of- nothing being wrong or something being wrong. It seems like a strange thing to say, but I've had way too many friends experience horrible pregnancies and I was terrified of being sick the whole time. I had been feeling a little sick the previous few weeks and had some cramping, but everyone I talked to said as long as there was no bleeding I should be fine. I was worried something might be wrong, but I never actually believed anything was. I'm just a natural pessimist and worrier.
They tell you to come to the appointment with a full bladder for the ultrasound, so being the good patient I am, drank a 54 oz water. Then we waited.
For over an hour.
I really thought my bladder was going to explode. When we finally got back to the room I begged Dr. Nolte to do the ultrasound first so I could use the bathroom. We went to the back room and I jumped on the table. I thought I knew how I would feel when we looked at the screen, how the "bubble" would look like a little baby and hopefully we would see and hear a heartbeat. But nothing prepared me for what we did actually see.
I knew we should have been able to see something, even a blob is visible at 5 weeks, and there we sat with a blank screen. Dr. Nolte wanted me to go to radiology and have a higher resolution ultrasound, so down the hall we went.
The tech did not have great bedside manner (...again, another story for another time) but she didn't see anything either. There was a gestational sac, but nothing inside. She said sometimes the body just "thinks" it's pregnant and sends out all the appropriate hormones but there's no baby. Then she walked out of the room (awful, awful lady!)
I started crying and tried to pull myself together enough to walk down the hall back to the clinic. I can't say enough great things about Dr. Nolte because he was truly a lifesaver! He said he wanted to wait another week before we started to panic. He said sometimes the dates are off or sometimes the baby just hides. Either way, we were about to play the waiting game.

After that, I was pretty much a wreck. Thankfully I have an amazing boss who let me go home early the next day because I was crying so much. I couldn't understand why this was happening. I did everything I was supposed to do. I had started taking prenatal vitamins the day after I found out I was pregnant. I wasn't doing any strenuous activities. I cut out all sushi and deli meat. I couldn't understand how women who use drugs, or teenage girls, or women who just didn't give a shit could go the full 40 weeks and have a perfectly healthy baby.
It wasn't fair.
And it wasn't fair to Shaun. I think I felt worse for him then I did for myself. All he's ever wanted was a baby and I failed him.

August 6, 2015

I don't know what was worse; waiting another week to see if there was a baby or telling the people we had already told about the possibility of there not being one in there. I felt guilty because I had been so scared about being sick and not knowing if I could physically deal with a pregnancy, I felt like this was my karma for my bad thoughts.
During this time a few of my friends shared their announcements on Facebook. I so wanted to be one of those people. I was so jealous of them and their happiness. They KNEW there was a baby. They KNEW everything was developing. They could be happy and celebrate. And there I was not knowing if I would be as happy as I was 2 weeks ago or if was about to get the blow of a lifetime.
A week came and went and we were back at the doctor. I was on the verge of tears all day because I just knew nothing would be there again.

Unfortunately, I was right.

"Blighted ovum"
 When you really are pregnant (thanks a lot dumb tech who made me feel like I was crazy and imagined the whole thing) but the egg does not develop and for some reason your body doesn't get the memo and keeps thinking it's pregnant. Again, Dr. Nolte was so kind and very apologetic. It was amazing knowing he was on our side. He said we had a couple options but we didn't need to make any decisions that day. I just wanted to get a game plan in place and get things going. We decided instead of waiting for my body to play catch up, we would go ahead with a D&C and remove all the remnants from the pregnancy.

I couldn't really bare to tell anyone, and gave that task to Shaun. I was still pretty angry with myself and the universe and was simply trying to hold it together. 

Yes...except I went through it with no one to hold my hand since my husband was out of town.
This is a pretty accurate picture of how it felt to look at the ultrasound screen and see an empty sac. Words are hard to find to describe it.

I would like to take a second and share a few things to NEVER, under any circumstances, say to a woman who has miscarried or lost a baby. I know most of these are said to comfort the parents, but if any of these things pop into your head as your about to say them to a mom who lost her baby, please rethink what you're about to say. *Disclaimer: I found this list online and added some personal thoughts. I know these aren't said with bad intentions, but I think a simple "I'm sorry" will work much better*

1. At least you can get pregnant.
This is a double edged sword for me. Yes I got pregnant but not only did it not develop, then my body when crazy and thought it was still there. So obviously it can't be trusted. I know some women who have no problem getting pregnant, but they can't carry a baby to term. I had a miscarriage in high school so my stats are sitting at 0-2. I don't know what's more painful - not getting pregnant or not staying pregnant. 
2. At least you miscarried early in your pregnancy.
It doesn't matter how many weeks you are. From the second you see that positive test your whole life is turned upside down. You start making plans for your life and your child's life, and it's heartbreaking at any age to lose a child.
3. It happened for a reason.
I know there's a reason it happened, and I know you're only saying this to try and make me feel better, but since I don't know that reason I can only blame myself. 
4. Maybe your eggs are bad and/or old.
So basically is what you're saying is that it IS my fault? Thanks. Jerk.
5. Don't worry — I'm sure you'll get pregnant again right away.
Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Maybe this has happened before and my body just isn't meant to carry a child. Maybe I don't want to try again. Maybe this time took too much out of me and I don't want to go through this again.
 Bottom line, this isn't making me feel any better because I already feel like a failure, and this just makes me think I'll be a failure again.
6. Maybe this means you aren't ready for a baby yet.
Not ready, huh? I've been married for almost 3 years, my husband and I both have good, stable jobs and we own a house. How does this not make us ready? Are teenagers ready? How about those lovely drug addicts? Think they were ready to bring a child into this world and care for it? I didn't think so either. 
August 12, 2015
And all of this leads up to today. I thought I was handling things really well until we got to the hospital and I saw my chart.
"D&C - Missed Abortion"
I was laying in the bed, gown on and IV in my hand, and started sobbing. I couldn't believe that this was really happening. It was all starting to sink in and things were getting so real. I still didn't want to believe in a few minutes I wouldn't be "pregnant" anymore. Shaun sat by my side and held my hand as long as he could until they wheeled me back. I tried to make jokes with the nurse about it being just like "Grey's Anatomy", but I'm pretty sure she could still see the tears streaming down my face. 
All I can say is thank God for drugs and anesthesia. One minute I'm laying on the gurney feeling "floaty", the next I'm back in the room having the worst cramps of my life. 
It felt like a thousand little knives stabbing me from the inside. Motrin helped a little, but I just wanted to go home, lay in my bed and fall back asleep. Lortab helped, but it's still pretty killer to sit up in a chair.
I also have to take a minute and thank my husband for all of his support and love. From the minute he saw the pregnancy test, to finding out there was a miscarriage, he's been the one person I can share all my thoughts/feelings/worries/happiness with. I could not have gone through this with any other person and I'm so grateful he's been by my side. I love you sweetheart.
I don't know if we're going to really try for another baby, or if we'll start going down the route of adoption. Right now I don't want to think of any plans. Right now, I just want to grieve and be angry with the world. 
All I know is at least, for 4 weeks, I got to be a Mom.

Friday, January 3, 2014

Lessons I Learned From My Pomeranian

Indulge in your guilty pleasures. Toby got the nickname ‘panty snatcher’ for an obvious reason-he was also going after my underwear. It was pretty embarrassing when people would come over and my thongs would be all over the house, but that was just Toby's thing. {On a side note, we actually had Toby cremated with a pair of my underwear he was always stealing. I know... I seem like the freak now, but he seriously loved those things}. I say if it makes you happy and you're not hurting anyone, have at it!

Don’t be intimidated by things that seem bigger than you. My Dad cracks up every time he tells this story of Toby- One day we were taking all of the dogs (Toby, Murphy, my Mom's two dogs and my Dad's dog Koda) for a walk. Toby hadn't been around Koda very much, but that didn't stop him from walking right up to her, looking her in the eye, and barking at her. Did I mention Koda is a full grown, pure bred German Shepherd? So there's my tiny Pom barking at this enormous German Shepherd that could have easily eaten him as an appetizer. The point is there are a lot of tasks that seem so much bigger than us and we just cower. If Toby can stand up to Koda, we can do anything.

Protect what you love. Toby drew blood from Shaun a couple times because he thought Shaun was coming after me (he didn't know hugs were safe) and even the slightest noise would send Toby into a barking frenzy. But I always knew it was because he was looking out for us. I said I wouldn't need a gun or alarm system because I had Toby. Since Toby died I have thought a thousand times about how I could have protected him more or what I could have done to keep him from getting out of the yard. I know it's useless. The important thing is I did protect him while he was still here, and I'm still protecting Murphy and Shaun the best I know how.

Tell people how you feel. Toby had no problem with this one. When we were living at my dad’s house with our friend, he brought a girl over. Toby peed on her shoe. While she was wearing it. We never figured out why he disliked her so much, but she never came back. You knew right away how Toby felt about you. Too many times we hold back feelings because we don't want to hurt their feelings or it will cause drama. Just do it. There's no reason to not express how you feel/the good and the bad.

The past doesn't define your future. We never got the full back story on Toby (I got him from a friend of mine, who got him from a friend of hers, who got him from who knows where) but it seemed pretty clear something had happened to him before he came to us. He was so nervous and scared when we first got him and was like that with every new person he met. Eventually he learned to trust us and love us. He didn't let previous negative experiences influence his future. He moved on.

Stand up for yourself. Toby hated when you would blow on his fur. HATED IT! I’ll admit I would do it once in a while just to bug him-but the last time I did he jumped over a pillow and bit my face. He had every right to defend himself and I totally deserved it. If someone isn't treating you the way you feel to be treated, tell me. Don't let them walk all over you.

Enjoy life. A day didn't go by that Toby didn't body check Murphy or chase the horses or sheep through the fence. He just wanted to have fun. There were some days when all he wanted to do was cuddle with us on the couch. And that was okay too because he was doing what HE wanted and loving every second of it.

Go after what you want and don’t let anything get in your way. I’ll never know what was so important that Toby had to squeeze through the gate and run down the road the day he was killed, but knowing Toby it must have been something important and something he had to do. He was on a mission and nothing was going to stop him. This is something I struggle with all the time. I set goals in my mind, but then this happens or that happens and I don't end up accomplishing them. Sure, there's a chance it won't end up happening, but if you don't try then you'll never know.

Friday, December 20, 2013

My Toby

Last Saturday we lost a member of our family. We lost our furry, four legged child. We lost Toby.

To say I was devastated is an understatement. I completely lost it. One minute we were sitting on our coach, relaxing after a great morning at 'Shop With A Cop'. The next minute a lady is at my door-holding Toby's collar-saying she hit him. I didn't even know he was outside, let alone out of our yard.

I don't blame the woman. She was so kind. She went to multiple homes looking for us and brought Toby back to us. She had a lot of courage and character to do those things for us.

I sat outside in 10 degree weather just holding Toby and sobbing for over an hour. I felt, and still feel, so guilty for not checking on him sooner and not figuring out how he had gotten out of the yard. I couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that just 20 minutes earlier he was laying on our couch, and now he was gone.

The last 6 days have been the worst of my life. I've cried more than I ever thought possible. My heart hurts so much it's hard to breath.

Most people in my life have so great and so supportive. I can't thank them enough for the love they've shown me this week. I couldn't have made it through this without my husband, my family and my friends.

Some others will just never understand that he wasn't 'just a pet'. They don't understand how every day he made me smile and laugh. They don't understand how I knew exactly what bark I would hear when Shaun walked through the door, because Toby was always on guard and always at the ready. They didn't see how long I spent picking out Halloween costumes for him and Murphy and or their Christmas stockings hanging over the fireplace.

Toby was one of a kind. He thought he was the biggest, toughest dog around. He looked my Dad's German Shepard right in the eye and barked at her. He had no fear. But he also had the sweetest personality. He would do anything to be pet- you had to hide your hands from him. 

Shaun and I have this vision of Toby standing guard at the Pearly Gates and barking whenever someone new arrives. He'll sniff them out and give the approval to let them through. If he doesn't like them or think they deserve to come in, he'll pee on their shoe and chase them away.

Nothing will ever replace Toby. He was our little boy. Our sweet Tobes, Monkey and panty snatcher.

We love you Toby. You will forever be in our hearts.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Life doesn't have to be Perfect to be Wonderful

Okay, okay. I know I said I'd do better in blogging. Obviously, that didn't really work out the way I intended. But I really will try to do better this time. Pinky swear!

Time to play catch up...again.


My awesome hunnie was awarded Vernal City Police Officer of the Year! He's spent countless hours tracking fugitives, monitoring sex offenders and basically just kicking ass :)  I'm so proud of him! A part of me is jealous that he's doing the one thing he was born to do and loves every day of his job.

May & June
These were pretty boring months to be completely honest. I was working graveyards at the hospital and my life consisted of sleeping and working. It was weird functioning during daylight hours. The one good thing about these months is we were able to meet Steve & LeeRoy. Steve is walking across America raising money for an orphanage in Africa his best friend began. LeeRoy is his goat. I started talking with him on Facebook and he actually stayed at my mom's house for a few nights while he was traveling through town. He's definitely one of a kind and I'm glad to call him a friend :) Check out his website to donate and learn more about his walk

I left my job at the hospital. We went to Idaho for a mini-family reunion and then went to Yellowstone. It's been years since I've been there and it was fun getting to spend cousins we rarely see.
Shaun and I FINALLY moved into our own place! It was great being able to stay with my mom while we paid off bills and got married but it was even more great to have our own space. The dogs are still unsure about our neighbors (our landlords horses and sheep).


This was actually a fun and busy month. Quite a change of pace from the previous few months. I started my new job at The Journey Counseling Center. I'm over the foster care program. So far it's been a good job. Stressful, but good. 
During August, we just got settled into our house. Shaun's bro & family camped out at Flaming Gorge one night so we joined them. Man, I love the water. It doesn't matter if it's the lake, river or ocean, being near the water calms me. Makes me feel like things are going to be alright.
My best friend Tyson also got married!!! Neither one of us ever thought we would get married, and actually made a pact that if we weren't married by the time we were 35, we would marry each other haha. I was so happy that he found the love of his life. I was also pretty happy she was from San Diego and that was where they got hitched. Awww, the ocean....My happy place :)
After we got back from San Diego, the PD hosted a family river trip down the Green. Shaun's family came out again and I had another chance to be around water. Overall, it was a great trip :)
The Smith Family


Our one year anniversary :) We didn't do a lot to celebrate (work really puts a damper in plans ;) but as long as I got to see my husband I was happy. He got me a gorgeous necklace and I got him tickets to go see 'Fluffy'. I don't want to fall asleep or wake up to any one besides Shaun for the rest of my life. I don't know what I would do without him!


BIRTHDAY MONTH :) :) :) haha  Even though it's my birthday month, I'm not usually a huge fan of October. October usually means the end of warm days and that snow is just around the corner. While everyone knows how much I love my hoodies, there's nothing I hate more than seeing the stupid white stuff fall from the sky.
Anyways, we finally got to see 'Fluffy' and it was great to have a weekend away. We've both been so busy the past few months that it feels like we barely see each other. It's amazing we are still married since we only saw each other when the other one was getting ready to go to bed or just waking up.
For the birthday, Shaun bought me a super cute new winter coat (Hey, even though I hate winter doesn't mean I need to suffer through it) and we went to dinner with my mom, dad and grandma.
When you're married without kids and your husband is at training, your dogs tend to suffer the most on Halloween. Yes, I'm that person that dressed up my dogs. Murphy was a Pirate and Toby was a Shark. Well, he was supposed to be a shark but the costume didn't fit great so it looked like he was being eaten by one. Anyways, I got to see my nephews for a bit and got to take Gage trick-or-treating. I can't believe he'll be 13 in January! Holy cow, it makes me feel old.

And now we're into November. Again, my life is boring. I work. I sleep. I eat. I repeat. Things have been extremely stressful and I haven't been handling it the best. Hopefully I'll get my anxiety under control soon and can feel normal again.

There are only a few weeks left on the year. I can't believe 2013 is almost over. I don't know how I feel about the end of another year. I don't feel like I've accomplished what I wanted to but hey, there's always next year ;)

Monday, April 8, 2013

One day I'll be better at this....

I kept waiting for something awesome and 'blog-worthy' to happen so I could finally update this, but I've just come to the realization that it doesn't always have to be something awesome that will make me write.

I randomly pulled out my old journals the other night and it's so strange to go back in time and remember everything I was feeling back then. I kept a lot of journals when I was in college and when I lived in California, and there's one common theme I found...


I was so lonely and I was trying to 'fix' it in all the wrong ways. I spent more time on the wrong guys and not enough time on myself. All I wanted was someone that would make me feel special and make me feel like I was good enough.

After I read those, I got a little sad honestly, mostly because there were some great times and I really missed the beach. But then I looked around my room and saw the engagement pictures of me and Shaun, and pictures from our wedding day, and our dogs sprawled out on our bed, and all those feelings just went away.

My life has no resemblance to the life I thought it would be. I never thought I would still be in Vernal. I never thought I would still be living at my Mom's house. And I most definitely never thought I would be married to a man like Shaun.

But my life isn't bad. In fact, my life is pretty damn good. I'm finally happy, and content, and feel like I'm right where I need to be at this point in my life.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Mr&Mrs Smith

So I'm only a little behind on this post ;)

It's been six weeks since we got married and I'm still having a hard time calling Shaun my HUSBAND instead of my fiance :)

The wedding was great! The weather was perfect and beautiful (but that's just how San Diego normally is)! We don't have our official pictures back yet, and I'm assuming most people have seen the pictures we do have on Facebook, so I won't do a picture overload. Instead, I want to give a few bits of advice to any newly engaged people.

1. Decide what is most important to you.
     For me, it was all about location, location, location! I have always dreamed of getting married on the beach so that was a no-brainer. After we figured that part out, everything else was cake!

2. Give yourself plenty of time.
     I had over a year to plan and prep and figure out how I wanted my wedding. I honestly have no idea how or why people get married with so little time! I didn't want to be stressing every day about getting things done.
     This also goes for the day of the wedding. We got all that we could get done the day before because I knew I didn't want to be rushing around the morning of. I got to sleep in, and then leisurely went and ate and got our hair done. Granted we were a little late with our hair, but it wasn't anything too big.

3. Find ways to save money.
     Destination weddings are never cheap. But I think we did our wedding in San Diego and a Vernal reception for under 10k (which seems high, but SD weddings cost a LOT!) Anyways, our first order of business was to find a good restaurant to have our reception. Finding a venue and then finding a caterer gets a little pricey! Plus they already have the plates, silverware and tablecloths. Our reception center even had a built in sound system so we didn't have to rent equipment or hire a DJ!
     Another way to save some cash...have your wedding on a weekday. I know it seems odd, but we saved ourselves over two grand just by getting married on a Thursday!
     If you have the option, go to a cosmotology school to get your hair and make up done. The going rate in San Diego was about $120, just for your hair! We got our hair and make up done at the Paul Mitchell School for $55! So worth it too.
     I knew we would only be using our flowers for a few hours, so instead of spending hundreds on professional flowers, we did them ourselves! For 15 centerpieces, 3 bridesmaids bouquets and 1 bridal bouquet is was $120. We lucked out and had a Trader Joe's near our hotel. They were gorgeous! I loved my bouquet.
4. Don't set your expectations so high that it will never compare.
     I've been part of both of my sister's weddings and I knew something would go wrong, so I was constantly reminding myself that it doesn't have to be perfect. Nothing too major went wrong but I also wasn't stressed and freaked out all day.

5. Just enjoy the day :)
     I know that one seems kind of obvious, but it's so true! We had a small enough wedding (just under 40 people) that we were able to talk and visit with everyone and still have time to ourselves to just enjoy the moment.

6. Do 'day after' or 'sneek peak' pictures.
     We did a day after session on the beach, and it was so much fun! Mostly because we were on the beach, but also because we weren't being rushed about having to get here or go there. We could just relax and have fun. Plus, it gives you another reason to wear your dress :)

That's basically all the advice I have about getting married and planning and blah blah blah  haha   It was the best day of my life and I couldn't imagine it any better! At the end of the day, I was married to my best friend and that's all that matters


 Lisa with our awesome Trader Joe's flowers :)


We were lucky enough to have a good friend (who just also happens to be a judge in Utah) fly down and marry us :)


I loved my dress and my bouquet! I had never felt so beautiful in my entire life.


Beautiful San Diego skyline outside our reception

Awesome sunset over the ocean with my husband. Life could not have been any better!

Monday, June 25, 2012

When It Rains...

List of not-so-good-things that happened the last month....

  • I got fired.
  • Later that same day, the transmission in my car went out.
  • I had to get a crown (not a fun bill to pay).
  • Random medical bills for Shaun.
  • Random other bills started piling up too.
I cried a lot when I lost my job, mostly because the main reason I was given was "it was all the little things that added up" and that even though I "did a lot of good", it just wasnt a good fit. That's almost worse than the 'it's not you, it's me' line you get when you end a relationship unexpectedly. One person thinks things are going great, and the other person has one foot out the door.

Anyways, I've been trying to stay positive and not stress too much, but I am me afterall, and worrying comes second nature. I've been applying for every job under the sun, and today I got a part time job as a hostess, which will definitely help with all the bills and wedding costs.

Shaun has been amazing through the whole thing! He has been so supportive and trying to help me not worry. Unfortunately all the jobs I keep wanting to apply for are out of Vernal :(  And law enforcement jobs are not easy to find/get right now, so we will have to wait and see what happens with that one.

I can't believe the wedding is coming up so quickly!! Where has all the time gone?? I really don't know how people plan a wedding in under 6 months. There is just so much to do, not to mention the expenses, I don't think I would have my sanity intact if I had anything less than a year to plan.

So there's an update on the latest happenings of my life. Hopefully I'll have good news to report back on soon :)