*Warning-this blog contains a mini soap opera. Not too much bitching and complaining, just some drama. Enter at your own risk*

I'm never really sure how much information I want to share on my blog. I try and keep all my personal drama to myself and very rarely put anything negative even on my Facebook account. But this has been bothering me for sometime so I'm just going to go ahead and purge all this negativity from my mind.

Expectations. Everyone has them and everyone is held to a different standard based on who they are. I tend to hold my family to pretty high expectations and just because they are 'family' doesn't mean they can get away with murder, at least in my opinion.

Since Shaun and I got engaged, I've had a few close friends extremely excited and involved in the wedding planning, along with one of my sisters and my mom. A few other family members, on the other hand, have really hurt and disappointed me.

I love my Dad, but I think he may have hurt me the most when all of this started. Talking about money is never the easiest thing to do, especially when it comes to weddings. I know money is tight everywhere and I don't expect a dime from my family. What killed me was when we first got engaged I tried talking to my dad about the wedding and what not, and in the course of talking about money and going to San Diego my dad tells me that "he'll try" and make it to my wedding, but he's not sure if he'll be able to make it. W. T. F.  I was furious. Again, I get that money is tight, but that's why we waited a year to get married so everyone could save and we could have a good time. I asked him, "So you're saying you're not coming to my wedding?" and all he could say was, I'll try but I don't know.

Shaun and I left his house and I started bawling in the car. This was my father, the person I always invisioned walking me down the aisle, basically telling me I'm not worth his time and energy to save some money. I called one of my friends and told her the story, and the first thing she said was she remembered when my dad first got diagnosed with prostate cancer that he wouldn't be alive to walk me down the aisle. Well, there he was, healthy as could be, and he didn't even seem to care about my feelings. Not to mention his pack a day smoking habit would have paid for his trip down there, but that's a different story. So My mom ended up calling him and telling him how upset I was and THEN he said he would of course make it, but it's still left me hurt and still not entirely counting on him making it. I tend to hold onto hurt feelings and it takes a very, very long time for me to entirely forgive someone, but again, that's a different story.

So after all the drama with my Dad settles down, now we have drama with my other sister. This would seriously take days to describe, the the basic story is she told me she didn't trust me, that even though I was getting married I was still a spoiled little brat, and I never did anything for anyone unless it benefited me. And to top it off she said if I was done with her then I was done with my nephews and I couldn't see them. Needless to say I was devastated. Shaun and I were laying in bed and I woke him up because I was crying so hard. After discussing it with Shaun we decided not to invite her to the wedding after all that she said and some previous things she had done. So besides fighting with her, now my family is upset because I don't want her at my wedding. Everyone keeps telling me that family is the most important thing and I should basically give her a free pass because she is family. I know that family is important, but this is one of the biggest days in my life and I want to be surrounded by people that love and care about me and Shaun, not someone who obviously thinks so little of me. It kills me to think my whole family won't be there but, like Shaun reminded me, we are starting our own family and if other people want to be a part of that, it's up to them to make that effort.

So with all of this said, it basically boils down to me holding onto some childhood dream of my wedding day. All my sisters and close friends will be with me when I find "the dress", they'll help me decorate and come up with cute crafty things. My dad will walk me down the aisle (while I'm in the most amazing dress in the world) and I'll marry the love of my life.  I know at the end of the day I will end up with the love of my life, and that's all that should matter, and I will have the support of close family and friends, but sometimes it's just hard to give up those expectations and have reality smack you in the face.

-Sorry for the sob story, but I wanted to vent. Love you all =)

2 w's....work and wedding!

So the last two weeks have been quite the change of pace for me.

I got a new job!

My last day at X94 was much more emotional than I thought. I cried the last time I read the news and totally broke down on the air. I really do miss my coworkers, but I am loving the 6:30 alarm instead of 4am!

Now onto the new job: Now I work at TriCounty Health Department, working with Uintah and Dagget School Districts updating their tobacco use policy and starting up youth groups. The first week consisted of a ton of reading, and this week I've actually been able to go out and talk to people. I've been drawn to jobs where I get to interact with the public on a regular basis and this one is right up my alley. My new co-workers are fabulous, and the benefits are pretty awesome too :) It's been a little strange going through my whole day without taking a nap. It's amazing how productive I am! haha

I've actually been able to get some wedding stuff done too. We've confirmed a hotel block in San Diego, we found our photographers (yay!) and we have a food tasting scheduled when we go to San Diego next month. A lot done, but still a TON more to actually get done! And let's not forget I haven't even started looking for my dress. I know I should be more excited about that, but I'm behind on actually starting to lose weight so I'm putting that off until I absolutely have to.

Well, I hope everyone has a great, fantastic weekend! This felt like a big mix of subjects for a blog, but this is what you get when I'm sitting home on a Friday night ;)

A little bit of DIY

I have never realized how expensive a wedding could be until I actually started planning mine. Shaun and I are extremely lucky that my mom is helping us with the majority of the San Diego ceremony, but since most our friends and my family are back in Vernal we are planning a reception here as well.

Anyways, the point of all of that is I'm trying to find decor that can be used in both places, and oh my, that is difficult! Again, I'm lucky that I have an extremely crafty sister who can sew and help me with all of this because I am not crafty at all! And then I discovered the awesome world of Pinterest and it seems like a less daunting task.

Here are a few ideas I have for the wedding. Our reception will be at this awesome restaurant so I want to keep things to a minimum because the view is just awesome!

 The bouquet! Well, technically this is a necklace but I think you see where I'm going. I love flowers, but I love the idea of keeping my bouquet for my daughter (one day) even more! These seems super simple and I'm actually going to try my hand at this today. Wish me luck! Another thing I love about this is all the bridesmaids can personalize them and keep them as well :)

 Another thing I'm loving-mason jars! I'm also into this vintage-feel and I would love to incorporate it into the wedding. I love the lace over it. And, again, SUPER simple! Well, at least I hope it is.

Is anyone seeing a trend here? Mason jars galore! And books! I'm such a nerd and want, almost need, to fit books into my wedding. Shaun's basically letting me do whatever I want so yay :)  I saw a couple bouquets made from book pages, but that takes WAY too much time and I definitely don't have the patience for this.












Okay, now the big question is how to fit all these ideas into a beach theme?! I'm sure vintage-beach is possible, but unless I see a picture of it I have a hard time believing it exists. Guess it's time to get DIY'ing :)

Farewell to a Hero

Officer Jared Francom was laid to rest yesterday and Shaun and I were able to attend the funeral. I've attended many funerals for family members, but I have never experienced any funeral quite like this one.

I didn't know this man, but what struck me the most was how much Officer Francom and Shaun had in common. I kept looking around me at the thousands of officers packed in the building, and it's probably one of the only times I'll ever see an officer cry. I couldn't stop staring at my ring, thinking one day I could be the wife sitting in the front row with my two small children. It's a thought that crosses every police/military/firefighter wife-one night your loved one might not come home. But Officer Francom died doing what he loved, and I know if anything ever happens to Shaun, he will be doing something that matters and something that he loves.

"So how old is your baby?"

I think it's some sort of requirement when you leave home and move out the first time that you gain a good 10 or 15 pounds. And then, following every move after that, you are alloted an additional 5 pounds.

I've moved around A LOT since graduation, and all the nights I was too tired to cook or exercise caught up with me. I decided I was done with the weight thing since last year I started weight watchers and lost around 12 pounds. I was super proud of myself, finally felt good about wearing clothes again, I didn't feel awful being seen in a bathing suit.

Then I met Shaun.

And I realize that sounds horrible, but it was actually a great thing. I had finally found a guy I felt completely comfortable around and so when I gained back a few pounds, I didn't feel a strong urge to race back to the gym. And with our crazy work schedules, I decided it was more important to sit around the house, watching the Food Network with him then go to the gym.

This time last year I was around 139. This year...add about 15 pounds :(  And I realize that I'm just a few pounds over my 'recommended body weight' and while I really have nothing big to bitch about, one thing, well actually 2 things, have caused a wake up call.

On two seperate occassions within a week of the other, I was asked if I was pregnant.

That is probably the worst thing you can say to a girl who isn't pregnant.

Now, the people that asked me this weren't being mean or hurtful. This first lady I see at hearings a lot but never really have had a full blown conversation with her. We were sitting around waiting for the hearing to start, and she made the comment about how I didn't look pregnant anymore and was wondering how old my baby was.

Strike one to the ego.

I don't know what's worse. Being asked if you're pregnant, or having to tell them that in fact, no, you're not pregnant. Just fat.

Fast forward a few days. My fiance and I were eating breakfast at Betty's and I saw an old teacher from jr. high. I was excited to talk to her and after giving her a hug the first thing she says is. "I can see you're doing great. You're married and expecting a baby...."

Strike two to the ego.

Apparently any weight I gain goes straight to my lower belly...making me look like I'm about 4 months pregnant.

So between these two incidents, and after reading one of my friend's amazing blog, I am determined to lose this extra weight. I refuse to be one of those women who look back on their wedding day pictures and complain about how fat and ugly they look. Not. Gonna. Happen. And I also know that it will better for my health and all that stuff. But honestly, you want a woman to lose weight, tell her she has 8 months until her wedding day.

Anyways, wish me luck!

8 more months...

It feels like just yesterday Shaun was proposing, and now we only have 8 months until the big day and I feel like I've done nothing.

Okay, that's not really true. I've logged countless hours online looking up wedding colors, dress styles, centerpieces, photographers, and wedding favors. But as far as actually starting anything, not so much.

I have a lot of things planned out in my mind that I would like to be in our wedding, but we'll see if it actually happens.  Anyways, I thought I would give a sneek peak into some things I would LOVE at our wedding.

First and foremost, the dress....

I found this dress at David's Bridal, and of course, it's almost $300 over my planned budget :/   I'm not sure if I'll let Shaun see the actual dress I pick before the wedding, but I have been asking his opinion. He wants me to be in something form-fitting, which worries me because I've been a huge fan of my body shape (but I guess most women feel that way too). But we'll see....OH! On a side note, all you married ladies, when do you start looking for a dress??



And now, the wedding colors....I'm in love with the red and teal! I think it will be perfect for our beach ceremony and then our reception. I'm so so SO excited about this! I think the hardest part will be finding just the right shade of red and teal.

So that's honestly all we really have set in stone so far. We do have the reception location, but I think I'll keep that a surprise a little bit more ;)

My Worst Nightmare...

Today has been an emotional day for law enforcement around the state.

While serving a search warrant last night, the suspect opened fire on the strike force members, hitting six of them, and killing one, Ogden Officer Jared Francom.

I don't know Officer Francom, but my fiance did. He worked with him during his Ogden days. I know nothing about this officer other than his name, the agency he worked for, and that he left behind a wife and two little girls.

I'm a newbie in the law enforcement family and this is my first real experience with a loss of this magnitude. I can't even imagine what his wife is going through tonight. This is every police wife's absolute nightmare. We send our loved ones out every night to protect the streets of our cities, and we know there is a risk they may not come home. We try not to think about that risk, but it's always there in the back of our minds.

Officer Jared Francom was killed in the line of duty and from what his family has said about him, he died doing something he loved.

RIP Officer Jared Francom

End of Watch: January 5, 2012

http://www.odmp.org/officer/21078-agent-jared-francom