Note to Self:

This is a great reminder for me.

Lately I've seen the world as 'glass-half-empty' and I hate it. I get so stressed and overwhelmed I feel like I'm going insane.

But I think if I just take the time to stop and breathe, things will get better :)

((Side note: My dad's scans all came back clean so that means the cancer hasn't spread!! :) :) I was so relieved to hear that, but I know I'm not going to stop worrying until he's completely cancer free.)

Close

This seems to be my theme song lately.



It makes her feel close.
Makes her smile it's like he's with her almost
Til the tears take over
She's still in hell but she tells herself
She's ready to let him go
Cause that makes her feel close

To saying goodbye, getting on with her life
Maybe give love another try.
One More Try.

Thank You...

...To everyone for all the support this week. Words can't describe how grateful I am knowing I have such good friends that are here for me. Every message, text, phone call I got lifted my spirits and showed me that things will be okay.

My dad has cancer.

There's no need to sugar coat it or beat around the bush.

He has cancer.

My sister and I were with him when he got his test results back and, even though we all knew that's what the doctor would say, it still knocked the wind out of me when he said "positive for prostate cancer."

Monday seemed like 5 days crammed into one. No one wants to discuss wills and funeral plans before they've even had a bowl of cereal, but that's how my day started out.

I know prostate cancer is extremely treatable, but it still scares the hell out of me that I could lose my Dad. What gets me the most (and this may sound ridiculous) is that he may not be around to walk me down the isle. Call me selfish, but when I start thinking about that is when the heaviest tears start coming down.

We don't know how advance the cancer is, but he did a bone yesterday and will get the results on Friday. The waiting is what's killing me. We know it's cancer and now we want to get it taken care of, but we can't yet. It's maddening!

I feel like a broken compass...

I started on a well beaten path. I had ideas about where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do so I began my journey. But then somehow, somewhere along the way, things got messed up and now I’m lost in the middle of the woods.

I’ve tried looking for ways out (does moss grow on the North or South side? I can never remember. And isn’t the Big Dipper supposed to point a certain direction? See why I’m lost in the wilderness?) but then I end up farther into the darkness. I tried just sitting and waiting for help to arrive, but that didn’t seem very productive so I stood up and just started walking. Then I got tired, took a nap and hoped I would wake up from a very bad dream.
That didn’t work either.

So here I am lost, scared, lonely, and tired with no daylight in sight and all I can wonder is, “How did I get here and how do I get out?”