My Toby

Last Saturday we lost a member of our family. We lost our furry, four legged child. We lost Toby.

To say I was devastated is an understatement. I completely lost it. One minute we were sitting on our coach, relaxing after a great morning at 'Shop With A Cop'. The next minute a lady is at my door-holding Toby's collar-saying she hit him. I didn't even know he was outside, let alone out of our yard.

I don't blame the woman. She was so kind. She went to multiple homes looking for us and brought Toby back to us. She had a lot of courage and character to do those things for us.

I sat outside in 10 degree weather just holding Toby and sobbing for over an hour. I felt, and still feel, so guilty for not checking on him sooner and not figuring out how he had gotten out of the yard. I couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that just 20 minutes earlier he was laying on our couch, and now he was gone.

The last 6 days have been the worst of my life. I've cried more than I ever thought possible. My heart hurts so much it's hard to breath.

Most people in my life have so great and so supportive. I can't thank them enough for the love they've shown me this week. I couldn't have made it through this without my husband, my family and my friends.

Some others will just never understand that he wasn't 'just a pet'. They don't understand how every day he made me smile and laugh. They don't understand how I knew exactly what bark I would hear when Shaun walked through the door, because Toby was always on guard and always at the ready. They didn't see how long I spent picking out Halloween costumes for him and Murphy and or their Christmas stockings hanging over the fireplace.

Toby was one of a kind. He thought he was the biggest, toughest dog around. He looked my Dad's German Shepard right in the eye and barked at her. He had no fear. But he also had the sweetest personality. He would do anything to be pet- you had to hide your hands from him. 

Shaun and I have this vision of Toby standing guard at the Pearly Gates and barking whenever someone new arrives. He'll sniff them out and give the approval to let them through. If he doesn't like them or think they deserve to come in, he'll pee on their shoe and chase them away.

Nothing will ever replace Toby. He was our little boy. Our sweet Tobes, Monkey and panty snatcher.

We love you Toby. You will forever be in our hearts.