The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

I was thinking this week about how different my life is from a year ago, but then in the same thought how it's really not all that different.

Last December I was still living in Salt Lake, watching Wyatt&Tyge, and working as an office assistant. I hung out with about the same people I had the whole time I lived in Salt Lake. I was dating a new guy, but still talking to some of my exes. I lived with my sister and went back to Vernal as often as I could, normally a couple times a month. I had graduated from the U and was getting ready to move to Seattle but still had NO clue what I was going to do with my life!!

So here we are a year later. I live in San Diego, technically Oceanside, and have my first real job out of college as Community Educator. I live with a girl I knew from Vernal and don't really hang out with that many people other than my brother and some girls I met in a training. I haven't seriously dated anyone for 9 months, which is a record for me. I still talk to a select few exes, but the main one I don't anymore. I still go to Utah whenever I can take the time off and have the money, so twice since March. And I still have no freaking clue what I'm doing with my life! So even though a lot of things are different, they still feel the same to me.

I didn't like my life when I lived in Utah. I was so convinced that once I got out of that damn state things would be better for me. One of those "the grass is greener on the other side" situations. Don't get me wrong I love being in California! I love the beach, and the sunshine, and being able to wear flip flops in the middle of December, but it still feels like something is missing.

I know a big part is I miss my family. I'm such a homing pigeon it's ridiculous! I miss wrestling around with Gage and flipping Riken upside down. I miss playing monster trucks with Wyatt and rocking Tyge to sleep. Gah I just miss all those little boys so much it breaks my heart!

This has been a stressful week with my family members in and out of the hospital. First my step dad fell off a ladder and had to go to Salt Lake because they thought he had a blood clot. Then my 88 year old grandmother was admitted two days ago because she couldn't breath and had to stay in the ICU overnight. I was so stressed and freaked out! I'm always there for my family when there's a crisis. Even though the majority of the time I know there's nothing I can do, it still makes me feel better just knowing that I'm there.

I'm not really sure what the intention of this blog is. Mostly I just wanted to vent. I guess to sum everything up I'm homesick and miss my family. I would love to be near them but I don't think I can give up my life in California to go back to Utah. Even though it's extremely difficult sometimes living down here, it's the life I've wanted for a long time and I'm not going to give it up.