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Murphy

Anyone that knows me, knows how bad I've wanted a dog the last few years. Well, here he is!!


Meet Murphy :)

I took this picture the first day I had him. He had just gotten done playing in the canal by my house and was wet, and dirty, and couldn't have been happier!

He is so much fun!! He loves to carry around his squeaky toys, but he loves this little rubber chicken the most. It's hilarious. He's a big fan of jumping on my bed and cuddling too :) But only for like a min then he lays at the bottom of my bed hanging out haha

Anyways, just wanted to introduce my little Murphy *aka Murph-Dog, Murphalicious, Smurf, Smurfalicious, and Fuzz Ball (my mom's name for him) to the blogging world :)

This is harder than I thought...

It's been 3 months since I've posted anything, and about 2 months since I've been in Vernal.

I wish I could say that this was the best decision I ever made and I don't regret it for one minute.

But that would be a lie.

I knew moving back wouldn't be easy, but I didn't realize just how difficult it would be.

2 good things have come from this move, however.
1-I FINALLY got a dog :) His name is Murphy and he's a 1 year old Shih Tzu. He's so stinking cute and I love having him.
2-I'M DEBT FREE :) :) That's pretty awesome, huh?


I'm hoping that I will be able to make it through the next year without pulling out my hair or being committed...Right now I'm just trying to take it one day at a time...

Next Big Adventure

I'm about to say something I never thought I would say in my lifetime...

I'm moving back to Vernal. I decided to take the job at KVEL/KLCY as a sales consultant so come May 17 I'll be back in Vernal.

While I'm glad I'll be so close to my family again, I'm still sad to be leaving Salt Lake. To be honest, I'm more upset about leaving my apartment than anything else (even though it's tiny and feels like a sauna at times, I still love it!). I haven't lived in Vernal since I was in high school and I already know I'm in for a big adjustment!

But this move is only for a couple of years (I realize lots of people probably say that, but I'm sticking with the 2 year limit!!!) and then it's back out to the city! I miss San Diego so so so much and that's where I want to be, but right now it just isn't a good idea. In 2 years I'll have more radio experience, a lot of money saved up (the benefit of living with your Mom ;) and maybe even a new car paid off.

The next 3 weeks are going to be super busy for me! I'm going out to Vernal this weekend to get things ready for all my stuff, then my Dad has his surgery on May 4...Then that weekend I'll come back out to Vernal to bring more stuff and help my Dad, then back out to Salt Lake only to move on May 16. And let's not forget work and packing in between all of this.
Just so much fun :)

So I guess wish me luck!

A little behind...

So March has come and gone, and I am REALLY behind on my blog! Ooops...It was just as good as I hoped it would be :) Some highlights from March:

• Dad's 64th Birthday!! He's getting OLD! haha
• Mini weekend trip to Mesquite with some friends :)
• Jake's big 23rd Birthday!! (Which only consisted of The Mayan and a couple drinks)
• A very quick trip to San Diego (boy do I miss it down there!)
• Lots of relaxing and reading amazing books!
• Britni's 21st Birthday!!

A few of us heading to the hot tub

Happy Birthday Jake!!!

The girls on Britni's 21st!!!

Me and Shaner hanging out :)

Rock Star! lol

Oh how I've missed this view...

Best things in the world in one picture....

Things in April have started off really well too. Work is going pretty good now that I'm down to 2 jobs(peace out RL!!) and I even have a job offer...IN VERNAL!! That decision is going to take some time to think over, but I'll let everyone know what's going on as soon as I know.

My dad has a doctor's appointment next week to FINALLY schedule surgery and be done with this whole cancer thing. We're all so relieved that they caught the cancer in the early stages, otherwise I'd probably be a disaster!!

So, like usual, my life is pretty simple and boring :) I'll update next time something exciting happens.

Looking Up

Even though it's only the 2nd of March, things this month seem to be improving :)

• All my Dad's tests came back good and the cancer hasn't spread AT ALL :) :) I was joking around with my Dad saying I bet no one has ever been more grateful for a case of diverticulitis than he is since that's how we caught it :) He probably wouldn't have gotten an exam for another year at least and by then it could have been much worse.
• I'm going to start working the front desk at my internship for the next 4-6 weeks while the receptionist recovers from surgery, which means more $ and more experience :)
• My credit card is slowly, but surely, getting closer to being paid off.
• Every day is one day closer to summer :)

So I guess there is some light at the end of the tunnel...

Note to Self:

This is a great reminder for me.

Lately I've seen the world as 'glass-half-empty' and I hate it. I get so stressed and overwhelmed I feel like I'm going insane.

But I think if I just take the time to stop and breathe, things will get better :)

((Side note: My dad's scans all came back clean so that means the cancer hasn't spread!! :) :) I was so relieved to hear that, but I know I'm not going to stop worrying until he's completely cancer free.)

Close

This seems to be my theme song lately.



It makes her feel close.
Makes her smile it's like he's with her almost
Til the tears take over
She's still in hell but she tells herself
She's ready to let him go
Cause that makes her feel close

To saying goodbye, getting on with her life
Maybe give love another try.
One More Try.

Thank You...

...To everyone for all the support this week. Words can't describe how grateful I am knowing I have such good friends that are here for me. Every message, text, phone call I got lifted my spirits and showed me that things will be okay.

My dad has cancer.

There's no need to sugar coat it or beat around the bush.

He has cancer.

My sister and I were with him when he got his test results back and, even though we all knew that's what the doctor would say, it still knocked the wind out of me when he said "positive for prostate cancer."

Monday seemed like 5 days crammed into one. No one wants to discuss wills and funeral plans before they've even had a bowl of cereal, but that's how my day started out.

I know prostate cancer is extremely treatable, but it still scares the hell out of me that I could lose my Dad. What gets me the most (and this may sound ridiculous) is that he may not be around to walk me down the isle. Call me selfish, but when I start thinking about that is when the heaviest tears start coming down.

We don't know how advance the cancer is, but he did a bone yesterday and will get the results on Friday. The waiting is what's killing me. We know it's cancer and now we want to get it taken care of, but we can't yet. It's maddening!

I feel like a broken compass...

I started on a well beaten path. I had ideas about where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do so I began my journey. But then somehow, somewhere along the way, things got messed up and now I’m lost in the middle of the woods.

I’ve tried looking for ways out (does moss grow on the North or South side? I can never remember. And isn’t the Big Dipper supposed to point a certain direction? See why I’m lost in the wilderness?) but then I end up farther into the darkness. I tried just sitting and waiting for help to arrive, but that didn’t seem very productive so I stood up and just started walking. Then I got tired, took a nap and hoped I would wake up from a very bad dream.
That didn’t work either.

So here I am lost, scared, lonely, and tired with no daylight in sight and all I can wonder is, “How did I get here and how do I get out?”

Life: Updated

"It's a big girl world now. Full of big girl things.
And everyday, I wish I was small."
-Lyrics by Kendall Payne

I haven't had a lot of time to update on my life overall, so I figured today would be as good as any.

We'll start with work...I'm so lucky that I get to watch Tyge again. He's changed so much in the last two years but it's great being back in his life. I love that family and love being a part of it. I still work at Red Lobster. It's not a horrible job, just not one I want to do for the rest of my life.

School...ahhh school. I think I developed an ulcer from this semester. After working my butt off and living off coffee, I got a 3.3 GPA. Not too bad, but apparently not good enough for one of my professors who said she would write me a letter of rec and then said her letter would say I wasn't ready for grad school. WTF?! She also told me this 48 hours before the application was due so I was basically screwed. I'm still going to apply for the Master of Public Health program so I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

I started an internship at the Summit County Health Department today. So far, so good! And when I got there today my supervisor told me I would be getting paid starting Feb. 1 so that made me really, really happy :) :)

I'm still feeling really sick so it's probably time to go back to the doctor. And NO-I'm not pregnant.

There's a pretty good chance my Dad has prostate cancer. He got really sick back in November and after a cat scan and lots of testing they said he was fine (stupid Vernal doctors). But after being on antibiotics his PSA levels are increasing and the doctor pretty much told him the only thing it could be is cancer. He goes in for a biopsy on Monday and hopefully there will be more answers then.

So there's my life in a nutshell. Kind of boring, but it's still mine ;)

Little Guy

(Then)

It feels like yesterday that I was spending all my time with this handsome fella. My bald-headed, pacifer-loving, toothless, sweet-as-could-be, little guy.

Tyge was only 6 weeks when I started watching him and I was so nervous. I had watched my nephews when they were newborns but not for an extended amount of time. What if he won't stop crying? What if he quits breathing? What if he absolutely hates me and just wants his mom?

Luckily for me watching Tyge was NOTHING like that. He was the most easy going baby and I fell in love with him instantly. When I decided to move out of Utah I cried more thinking about leaving this little boy than anyone else. I stayed in touch with his family the whole time I was gone but I still cried every time I had to leave him.

Now I'm back in Utah and I am so lucky that I get to watch him again. He is still the same loveable little boy I remember: sweet, easy going, cutest smile and cutest laugh. He has more hair and teeth this go around, but he'll always be my Little Guy.

(Now)

Perfect

I wasn't too excited about the holidays this year. I was stressed, and poor, and so worn out from the semester I just wanted to stay in bed for 2 weeks. But once I got out to Vernal, and saw these 3 guys, my holiday season was perfect :)

Gage and me hiding out upstairs

Riken, me, and a not-so-happy Shane

Rik-e-o and me

Me and Shaner

Dear 2010

I have high hopes for you.

2009 pretty much knocked me on my ass. I can't remember a year more confusing and trying than last year. I stressed and cried and second guessed every decision I made.

In other words, it sucked!

Well, that's not entirely true. A lot of great things happened last year. But it feels like more negative things occurred than positive.

I realize not every year can be perfect, but I'm crossing my fingers that you (2010) will bring me some closure, happiness, and contentment.

I'm anxious, and a little nervous, to see what the next 363 days bring to my life.