Mom: Hi there. How's your day going?
Me: Meh. It's okay I guess.
Mom: Have you talked to [ex-boyfriend] yet?
Me: Yeah, I talked to him today.
Mom: How did it go?
Me: Not very good.
Mom: Oh (pause) Did he call you or did you call him?
Me: I had to call him.
Mom: How come?
Me: Because I went to the doctor today...
(pause)
Mom: Oh my god, Andrea! I thought you knew better than that!
Me: I know Mom. I'm sorry.
Mom: I thought you knew about birth control!
Me: I do. But birth control is only 97% effective ya know.
Mom: Oh my gosh. I just can't believe it!!
Me: I know Mom. Well, I guess it looks like I'm moving back to Vernal now.
(silence)
Me: Mom, are you mad?
Mom: Just give me a second to wrap my head around this.
(pause)
Me: Are you going to be mad at me when I say, "APRIL FOOLS!!!"
Mom: Eff you, Andrea!!
Okay, before you go off and say that's so mean and evil, let me give you some background.
When I was still living at home my Mom called up one night and was looking for for my step dad, who was working on a rig that night. She sounded really upset so when I asked her what was wrong she kept saying nothing. When she did finally tell me she said that she had a few glasses of wine at her friend's house then decided to drive home. Well, as she was driving in front of the court house she said she got pulled over and arrested for a DUI!!
I started to freak out and panic. I asked how much bail was and she said $1,000, then I asked if she could use her check book or credit card or something like that! She said it wouldn't work and that she just needed to talk to Tom. I didn't have any money, but I could maybe pawn some stuff! Maybe her friends could help me bail her out of jail.
I could just imagine the news headline that would follow: "COUNTY ATTORNEY ARRESTED FOR DUI...DAUGHTER SHAMED FOR LIFE!" I would have to move to South America and change my name, never show my face in Utah again.
Then I hear my Mom start to giggle.
Mom: "hahaha! APRIL FOOLS!"
Me: "Eff you Mom."
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4 comments:
ha ha Annie. You are to funny but I bet your mother about had a heart attack
haha yeah I think I took about 10 years off her life lol Now I know where Sydney got her evil ideas for pranks from...MY MOM!
lol she said part of her was mad thinking you were ruining your life and the other half of her said yeah i get grandkids lol. thought the whole thing is funny.
hahaha Oh Momma!! She just has to realize she needs to adopt your kids as grandbabies cuz they're never coming from me or Syd!
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